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General Information:
Yahweh and Jeremiah continue talking about the people of Judah.
If only my head could produce water, and my eyes be a fountain of tears
This is Jeremiah speaking. These two phrases mean the same thing and emphasize how much Jeremiah is weeping. AT: "I wish I could make more tears" (See: rc://en/ta/man/translate/figs-parallelism and rc://en/ta/man/translate/figs-metaphor)
day and night
By mentioning both "day" and "night" this phrase means all the time. AT: "all the time" or "continually" (See: rc://en/ta/man/translate/figs-merism)
the daughter of my people
Yahweh shows his love for his people by speaking of them as a daughter. Here Jeremiah uses this same phrase for the people that Yahweh uses. See how you translated this in Jeremiah 4:11. AT: "my people, who are like Yahweh's daughter" or "my dear people" (See: rc://en/ta/man/translate/figs-metaphor)
who have been killed
This can be stated in active form. AT: "whom the enemy has killed" (See: rc://en/ta/man/translate/figs-activepassive)
If only someone would give me
"I wish someone would give me." This is still Jeremiah speaking.
a place for travelers in the wilderness to stay
This refers to a building for people traveling in the wilderness, where they can stop and sleep overnight.
abandon my people
"leave my people"
a band of traitors
"a group of people who betray other people"
Yahweh declares
See how you translated "this is Yahweh's declaration" in Jeremiah 1:8.
They tread on their bows of lies with their tongues
Telling lies is spoken of as being done by the tongues of the wicked. Also, since a spoken lie cannot be taken back, telling lies is spoken of as if it were shooting arrows. Men who use bows must step on their bows in order to fasten the bowstrings, so liars are referred to here as if they were stringing their bows using their tongues. AT: "Their lies are like arrows that they shoot with the tongues" (See: rc://en/ta/man/translate/figs-metaphor)
but it is not because of any faithfulness of theirs that they grow strong on the earth
"They do not grow strong on the earth because they are faithful to Yahweh, as they are wicked" and "This means that the people are not faithful to Yahweh, but rather are wicked and have gained their power through wickedness" (See: rc://en/ta/man/translate/figs-irony)
They go from one wicked act to another
Committing one evil action after another is spoken of as if the evildoers were going from one action to another. AT: "They keep doing evil things" (See: rc://en/ta/man/translate/figs-metaphor)