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When the king's order and decree were proclaimed

This can be stated in active form. Alternate translation: "After the king commanded that they search for some beautiful women" (See: rc://en/ta/man/translate/figs-activepassive)

proclaimed

"announced"

many young women were brought

This can be stated in active form. Alternate translation: "they brought many young women" (See: rc://en/ta/man/translate/figs-activepassive)

They were put under Hegai's care

This can be stated in active form. Alternate translation: "Hegai began to take care of them" (See: rc://en/ta/man/translate/figs-activepassive)

Esther also was taken into the king's palace and put under the care of Hegai, the overseer of the women

This can be stated in active form. Alternate translation: "Hegai, the overseer of the women, also began to take care of Esther when they brought her to the king's palace" (See: rc://en/ta/man/translate/figs-activepassive)

palace

See how you translated this in Esther 1:5.