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All these are suggestions only. Question marks indicate greater tentativeness. Comments phrased as a questions are legitimate questions, not statements.
Chapter 1 [All the changes for Chapter 1 below have been made with the exeption of one main case that has an explanation below. 12/24/20]
1:2 –– "And" instead of "Now" 1:2 –– "spirit" instead of "Spirit" 1:3 –– make a new sentence at the 'atnah? 1:5 –– "called out" instead of "called"
- After conducting a syntactical study of the collocation of qara + l in Genesis, it is clear that the construction is frequently used for naming people, places, etc. Some have called this use of lamed the "lamed of appelation" since it occurs in this naming function so often. This means that the traditional rendering "called the light 'day'" would be appropriate here and in similar statements throughout the chapter. 1:5 –– "to the light" and "to the darkness" instead of "the light" and "the darkness" 1:6 –– "vault" instead of "expanse" (Hebrew term raqia seems to indicate some "thing" and not just empty space) 1:6 –– make a new sentence at the 'atnah? 1:6 –– "separation" instead of "division" 1:7 –– same as v.6 above for "expanse" 1:7 –– same as v.6 above for "division" 1:7 –– "were from under" and "were from above" instead of "were under" and "were above" 1:8 –– same as v.6 above for "expanse" 1:8 –– same as v.5 above for "called" 1:8 –– "to the vault" instead of "the expanse" 1:8 –– "appear" instead of "be seen" (Niphal is probably active here, not passive) 1:10 –– same as v.5 above for "called" (x2) 1:10 –– "to the dry ground" instead of "the dry ground" 1:10 –– "earth" instead of "land" (I take this term in contrast to "heavens" earlier) 1:10 –– "to the gathering of the waters" instead of "the gathering of the waters" 1:10 –– should the first strophe of the verse be one English sentence or two? 1:11 –– recommend comma instead of colon after "sprouts" 1:11 –– is "according to its kind" the best rendering of ל preposition? (what sense is being applied here?) 1:12 –– same as v.11 above for colon 1:12 –– same as v.11 above for ל preposition (x2) 1:14 –– same as v.6 above for "expanse" 1:14 –– "to separate" instead of "to cause a division" 1:14 –– recommend concluding English sentence and the end of the verse 1:15 –– recommend starting new English sentence at beginning of the verse 1:15 –– same as v.6 above for "expanse" 1:15 –– "to shine" instead of "to cause light to be" (Hiphil is probably simple causation, not factitive) 1:15 –– "on" instead of "upon" 1:15 –– "greater luminary" instead of "great luminary" (adjectives can be relative in this context) 1:15 –– "lesser luminary" instead of "small luminary" (contrast is probably not size) 1:17 –– "put" instead of "set" (to differentiate from שׂים) 1:17 –– same as v.6 above for "expanse" 1:17 –– same as v.15 above for "to cause light to be" 1:18 –– is "over" the best rendering of ב preposition? (x2) [what sense is being applied here?] 1:18 –– same as v.14 above for "to cause a division" 1:20 –– is "upon" the best rendering of על preposition? (x2) [are the senses the same, or different?] 1:20 –– same as v.6 above for "expanse" 1:20 –– "flying creatures" or "flying things" instead of "fowl"? (are only birds in view here, or other flying creatures, too?) 1:21 –– "sea creatures" instead of "sea-monsters" 1:21 –– is the participle הרמצת functioning as an appositive or an attributive? (current translation renders as appositive) 1:21 –– same as v.11 above for ל preposition (x2) 1:21 –– same as v.20 above for "fowl" 1:22 –– should פרה be rendered as "be fruitful" or "bear fruit" (need to decide between stative/factitive and active sense here. if stative/factitive, then all OK. if active, then this is a metaphor and tW link should be deleted) 1:22 –– "multiply" or "increase" instead of "become numerous" (x2) [situational context suggests active verb instead of stative or factitive] 1:22 –– same as v.20 above for "fowl" 1:24 –– same as v.11 above for ל preposition (x2) 1:25 –– same as v.11 above for ל preposition (x3) 1:26 –– "humankind" instead of "mankind" (by association, the speech explicitly defines term as referring to both male and female) 1:26 –– compare/contrast use of רדה here to use of משׁל in vv.16-18. is the sense of the verbal action the same or different? (translation currently renders both verbs the same) 1:26 –– same as v.18 above for ב preposition (x5) 1:26 –– same as v.20 above for "fowl" 1:27 –– same v.26 above for "mankind" 1:27 –– "it" or "them" instead of "him" [the referent of the antecedent האדם must be either impersonal singular (i.e. humanity) or personal plural (i.e. humankind)] 1:28 –– same as v.22 above for verb פרה 1:28 –– same as v.22 above for "become numerous" 1:28 –– same as v.26 above for verb רדה 1:28 –– same as v.18 above for ב preposition 1:28 –– same as v.20 above for "fowl" 1:29 –– should the qatal of נתן here be rendered as simple past action ("have given") or performative action ("I give")? 1:29 –– should the yiqtol of היה here be rendered as present time ("is"), future time ("will be"), volitional ("shall be"), or possessive ("is / will be / shall be yours" or perhaps "have")? 1:29 –– should the impersonal subject of היה be rendered as singular ("it") or plural ("they")? 1:30 –– should the participle רומשׁ be rendered "creeping thing" or "thing that creeps"? (that is, is the participle functioning more as a nominative or as a relative?) 1:30 –– same as v.20 above for "fowl" 1:30 –– what is the antecedent of אשׁר? is it "the earth" or all three כל phrases together? 1:30 –– is "on" the best rendering of the ב preposition here? (what sense is being applied here?) 1:30 –– what is the antecedent of the 3ms pronominal suffix in the word בּוֹ? is it the same or different than the antecedent of the relative particle that introduces the relative clause? 1:30 –– should the relative phrase be rendered "whichever on it is a living being" or "which has living beings in it" or something else? 1:30 –– perhaps "every green plant" instead of "every green thing of a plant"? (translation currently reads like only green parts of a plant are food but not things of other colors, but I don't think the Hebrew phrase means that; it's a difficult phrase)
Chapter 2
2:2 –– "And in the seventh day God completed…" or perhaps "And on the seventh day God completed…"
2:2 –– "…the work that he had made." (x2) [see use of the verb "made" in ch.1]
2:2 –– "…made. And in the seventh day he rested…" or perhaps "…made. And on the seventh day he rested…"
2:3 –– the phrase "in it" or "on it" should be consistent with English word selection in v.2
2:3 –– "…that God had created to make." or perhaps "…that God had created and made." [qatal probably indicates past reference time]
2:4 –– why is "heavens" plural in the first instance and singular "heaven" in the second instance?
2:4 –– are the infinitive constructs in this verse functioning as verbs or nouns?
2:5 –– what is the reason for "Now" instead of "And"? ["Now" is acceptable, just ensure that the context merits it given ULT translation brief]
2:5 –– recommend preference for "all" or "every" instead of "any" or "each" for rendering of כל [Hebrew has other ways of expressing any/each]
2:5 –– "the shrubs" (as collective) instead of "shrub"?
2:5 –– why "not yet" as rendering of Hebrew טרם? [there is no negative particle in OrigL]
2:5 –– do the verbs in the first strophe have impersonal subject, or is the subject fronted? and what is the temporal/aspectual sense of the yiqtol in contrast to qatal in the second strophe?
2:5 –– is אדם correctly rendered as "man" or "human" or "humanity" or "humankind"?
2:6 –– what is the temporal/aspectual/modal sense of the yiqtol and weqatal here?
2:7 –– is "And" the best rendering of the wayyiqtol in context? [not prescribing anything, just noting that here is where the narrative flow starts as opposed to v.5]
2:7 –– same as v.5 above for אדם (x2)
2:7 –– what is the relationship between "the man" and "dust from the ground"? [current reading seems ambiguous, perhaps use semi-colon after "ground" instead of comma to indicate end of the thought?]
2:8 –– is there any way to avoid the adverb "eastward" but retain the propositional phrase?
2:8 –– perhaps the more common "set" instead of "placed" for the extremely common Hebrew verb שׂים?
2:8 –– same as v.5 above for אדם
2:9 –– note the different referential point of view for "delightful of appearance" and "delightful to view", which is the correct sense of מראה here? also, is there any significance of Niphal participle "delightful" as opposed to a straight-up adjective?
2:10 –– what is the temporal/aspectual sense of the participle verb here?
2:10 –– what is the temporal/aspectual sense of the yiqtol + weqatal verb string here?
2:10 –– should the English retain the ל preposition, "to four heads"?
2:11 –– "the one that surrounds" instead of "the one surrounding" to retain general preference for translation with relative particle for participles
2:11 –– "Havilah" or "the Havilah"?
2:11 –– perhaps "where there is gold" [i.e., what is the specific function of the article here? perhaps does not merit rendering in this case]
2:12 –– perhaps "the stone of the onyx", or does that compromise English understandability too much?
2:13 –– which is the predicate in the first strophe?
2:13 –– perhaps "the one that surrounds"?
2:14 –– which is the predicate is the first strophe?
2:14 –– "the one that goes" instead of "the one going"?
2:15 –– same as v.5 above for אדם
2:15 –– which sense of Hiphil נוח is being accessed here? is this a genuine causative or simple causation?
2:15 –– should this verse be two sentences?
2:16 –– same as v.5 above for אדם
2:17 –– "in the day" or "on the day", should be consistent with early verses in this chapter
2:18 –– same as v.5 above for אדם
2:18 –– perhaps "in his solitude" or "in his aloneness" instead of "by himself"?
2:19 –– same as v.5 above for אדם (x2)
2:19 –– maybe the ULT can do without the supplied object "them"?
2:19 –– "call out to it" instead of "call it"
2:19 –– any way to retain "all" or "every" for כל in the second strophe?
2:20 –– same as v.5 above for אדם
2:20 –– "call out" instead of "call", i.e. "called out names"?
2:20 –– I agree with the reading "he did not find," but modern translations appear to follow the LXX and translate this as a passive with an impersonal subject. There must be significant evidence from early versions that favors the passive reading? I would not change the reading, but this is worthy of note.
2:21 –– same as v.5 above for אדם
2:21 –– "and he slept" instead of "so he slept"
2:21 –– recommend "flesh" instead of "the flesh" because there is no article and to highlight contrast between rib (i.e. bone) and flesh
2:22 –– same as v.5 above for אדם (x2)
2:23 –- same as v.5 above for אדם
2:23 –– "to this will be called out, 'Woman'" instead of "this one will be called woman"
2:23 –– can the translation differentiate אישׁ from אדם somehow? perhaps make consistent with v.24, "a man"?
2:24 –– "this was taken" instead of "this one was taken"
2:24 –– what is the temporal/aspectual/modal sense of the yiqtol verb in the first strophe?
2:24 –– what is the temporal/aspectual/modal sense of the weqatal verbs?
2:24 –– why the rendering "on" for the preposition in "on his wife"? this seems too superficial for a text that appears to be sexually charged? but what is the actual sense of the ב preposition here, particularly when paired with the this particular verb?
2:24 –– perhaps "become to one flesh" or "be for one flesh" instead of "become one flesh"???
2:25 –– same as v.5 above for אדם
2:25 –– does the context justify "but" instead of "and"? "but" is acceptable, but only if context warrants it
2:25 –– what is the sense of the Hithpael here, is it reflexive? reciprocal? something else?